I often hear it pointed out that women have many advantages over men when it comes to relationships. Things like ‘women have the power to accept or reject men, so they really determine the dating pool’; ‘women control access to sex’; ‘women have far greater advantages over men when it comes to custody rights’, and so on.
I don’t dispute any of this, at least not in mulheres americanas vs estrangeiras Western society. It’s all true (though depending on which country you’re in, the degree of advantages can differ).
But before I do, I should point out that this article is not relevant to online dating, in which the rules are uncertain and unfixed, and in which everyone is openly expressing their interest to date by simply being on the platform
However, there is one area in which men have all the power – only I get the sense that many men either don’t realise, or downplay, how crucial and valuable this power is.
Now as I flagged, this might not immediately strike you as a particularly important or compelling power – but it is. You could even say that, before any relationship begins, men have ALL the power (and at certain points during the relationship, too).
Well, allow me to explain. It would be kind of like the real-life equivalent of walking around wearing a sandwich board which reads, ‘I’m open to dating’, making the subtleties we’re about to discuss non-existent.
My options as a dating woman are completely dependent on being asked out by men. Yes, I can accept or reject whom I please, but my power to do so rests entirely on men making a move in the first place. Until the question comes, I am basically powerless to do anything to change my position as a single woman.
Men are not. Yes, of course it is also dependent on the woman to accept the man’s offer to date, his offer to marry and so on, but when it comes to making any decisions whatsoever, men take the lead.
Side note: for those ignoramuses who like to throw back the ‘why can’t women ask men out?’ line, just ask any man if he would prefer for his woman of interest to take the lead in a relationship; to ask him out, or even to propose to him. If he has any sense at all, he will say no. If he says yes, he is either lying, pulling your leg or just a coward. Men need to be the ones asking, and women the ones who need to receive. Men are the natural leaders, and women the followers, in relationships. It is true that some men and women kind of fall into a relationship through consistent close interaction in which no one actually gets asked out, but this is hardly the ideal. It is also situation-dependent, and so extremely unreliable, not to mention it’s cowardly on the man’s part to take the easy road and not put himself at any real risk.
But rather than realising this incredible power, many men only seem to see it as a negative. All I seem to hear from them when it comes to this topic are complaints about having to ‘do all the work’, or the fear of getting rejected, or that women are too picky.
In fact, men are capable of changing their status from single to dating, to engaged to married, in a way that women aren’t, simply because it is up to men to make all of the above moves
Let’s look at this from a female perspective for a moment: Nicole really wants to get married; it’s the deepest, most earnest desire of her heart. So she sits and thinks about all the ways she can try to get men to ask her out; she can change her diet and work out to make herself more physically attractive; she can style her hair and dress so as to enhance her figure and femininity; she can learn useful skills that are valuable in a wife, like how to cook well, keep a tidy house, sew and darn clothes, and familiarise herself with young children to learn how to become more maternal. Nicole can work on her behaviour to try to enhance virtuousness, like dressing and acting more modestly. She can learn how to use makeup to best enhance her features without obscuring her face.